Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Two Poker Blog Pet Peeves

Since I always seem to get a lot of love, hugs and kisses when I rant, I'll address two of my pet peeves today about blogging and poker.

I cannot even count the number of blogs I've been to over the past three years that attempt these two train wrecks. One of them is posting in metaphors.

The best writers in the world can't make this one interesting, IMO. I have to say that this peeve is more subjective than the other one. I have talked to some readers who love those types of posts. I'm just not one of them. When a blogger takes one of his favorite, non-poker books and tries to make it into a poker game, poker site, poker room, poker experience or poker story, I just skip to the next blog. It is that horrible.

These types of posts usually start out with a subject line like, "Poker is For Whom the Bell Tolls," by Hemmingway. They use metaphors and occasionally one will use similes, but they will go through the book, movie, hobby point-by-point and try to be either humorous, or creatively convince the reader that the subject really is a metaphor for poker. The post inevitably includes used, tired cliches from either the information source or poker sources such as books and quotes from days gone by.

It is boring, it is played out, and it usually doesn't even make sense, at the best of times. I have never read even one of these metaphoric posts that is mildly readable.

Someone asked me to write a post something like, "Why Gardening is Like Poker," or "Gardening is Poker."

Um, no. That would sound just as dry, stupid, humorless, boring and played out as the other poker metaphors.

The second type of post that should not be attempted by anyone other than professionals is the "live blogging" post.

My GOD, do they realize how horrible these posts are?

I'm not sure, but I think maybe this started with Pauly. Just an FYI for all of you copycats out there: YOU'RE NOT PAULY!

Don't do this. For the love of God and man, do NOT attempt this anymore. If you want to turn a mildly boring poker blog into an absolutely unreadable poker blog, you will be on the right track if you decide to hit this one up.

The closest I have ever come to deleting every, single poker blog I have in my favorites and on Bloglines is when there was some, "Hey, he did it so we all have to copy him, because we're mindless, boring sheep and lemmings and if one blogger jumps off the cliff we will all jump" phase when dozens of bloggers decided to "live blog" a poker event.

Lord in heaven, why don't you think for a minute? One, you're not even playing B&M, you're playing an ONLINE FREEROLL or micro buy-in event. Not even Charles Dickens could pull this one off successfully. You sound like the perfect cure for insomnia!

Two, no matter how cute or witty you think you are, you cannot write like Pauly or Joe Speaker. Please don't try. Please, if you have ever had a single, coherent thought in your adult life, think about what you are writing. It is NOT good. It isn't even readable. If someone leaves you a comment about what a great job you did live posting, they will be the first person to ask you for a buy-in soon. Or ask you to link them up. You aren't getting compliments, they are just stroking your ego before they move in for the kill.

I would rather go see you attempt some extreme sport that should not be attempted by amateurs than to read this type of nightmare.

Poor Pauly, when he went around reading blogs and saw that he had been copied all over the blogesphere in some horrible attempt at live blogging he must have puked up a little bit of bile in the back of his throat. "My GOD! What have I created? Zombies, zombies for crissakes!"

So I guess in summary, I would say that my best advice to aspiring poker bloggers is to carefully read over what you write, and ask yourself, "If someone else posted this on his blog, would I like it? Would I be bored or entertained? Would I go back, or shudder in horror and delete the blog from memory?"

If this is not something you would read on someone else's blog, why would you post it on yours???

Felicia :)