Friday, October 20, 2006

I've Overstayed My Welcome

Well, I couldn't really get help with the site. The only responses I got, were e-mail or IM requests for help or assistance with their issues, not mine.

Thanks to Pauly and Drizz for trying, though.

I think the end has pretty much come. I have wanted to forget about this journal so many times. I kept it going due to obligation I felt to Scott, the readers, myself, Glenn, etc.

I feel like one of those people that sit in your house long after the party has ended. One of those unwelcome visitors who are hard to get rid of. They don't even get it. They don't even understand that you'd like them to go, so that you can go to sleep. That uncomfortable feeling that you have just sitting there, making small talk, too shy to ask them to leave.

I'm not playing very much anymore, just a couple of times per week. I'm not really writing about poker. I'm sick of trolls who believe that a journal is something to attack, to criticize and flame. I'm sick of forcing myself to write. I'm sick of blogger.

My traffic has gone from the big days, years ago, of over 1000 unique visitors per day (not page views), down to about 100. I have continued to monitor it mostly because I love reading the search words people use to find it. That is my only laugh about the whole blogger nightmare anymore.

I was never one of you. You don't like me, don't understand me, don't get me, and I've never really fit in. I wrote here because I felt I owed Scott something. Because I hated e-mailing my stories out to dozens of people requesting them, once they fell off of the main page of 2+2. I never cared for typepad or blogger.

In the end, I feel like I've overstayed my welcome. Like I pushed myself to do something that I didn't really care for. I've long liked Live Journal, and felt a ton more freedom there, although the worst of the trolls have somehow gotten to that haven, as well :(

This is no swan song. Maybe I'll continue to write here and there. But in more ways than one, the Party is over. I just don't care enough to make it work anymore.

Sorry Scott (if you even read this anymore).


Felicia :)