Epiphany

Holy cow, I just had an epiphany! Usually that is not a good thing, when I "realize" something. Why? Because it just gives me a whole bunch of fodder with which to take up my mind, my life and my journal.

I'm a little slow on the upchuck. I'm normally pretty "bright," and pick up on things quickly. But some things are so plain and simple that I just don't get them. Like certain jokes, comics, stuff like that. Things that are so easy that I am blindsided and can't "get it." Like the elephant in the room that no one sees. So if someone gives me a "hint" or tries to write something in code, using subterfuge to give me a message, I tend not to even notice. It keeps flying over my head. Obviously this one was one of them...

Okay, so here was the realization. Upon looking back at my most controversial posts, the ones that seem to attract tons of flamage are the ones where I was ranting and raving and used the word "you" in many instances. The ones where I used the words "me" or "I" were usually not flamed, but got all of these ignorant comments like, "Oh, Felicia, you are obviously lacking in self-esteem. Maybe you should get professional help."

So when I get distracted by a pet peeve of mine, or something that latches onto me and bugs the crap out of me until I write about it and get it out of my system, no matter how clear I make it that the reason it is driving me insane is because it is probably a weakness of MINE, if I ever say the word "you" to denote "all of us, me included," some of my readers instantly assume I am personally attacking them!

That is why I get like a dozen e-mails from totally different people, each one of them claiming that I was personally attacking them or their blog. That I had them, specifically in mind when I ranted. Sure, that doesn't mean that they aren't lacking in self-confidence, to just automatically assume I meant them, personally, but at least it goes a long way towards explaining why I've had so much heat lately.

The motivation for me writing about the metaphorical posts and how much I hate them? ME! I got several suggestions from people to make a metaphor about gardening being poker, and for a split second I actually considered it!!! And then it hit me, "Don't be stupid, you moron!" (totally stolen from Howard Stern.) "You hate it when other people do it, so why would you even think about it for a nanosecond?!? Don't ever, ever do this, or you are going to be the biggest retard on the face of the earth! And before you can even reconsider, write it down and cement it, permanently and in writing, that you will never, Never, NEVER even consider this again, you idiot!"

So there ya go, that is how I started the rant about metaphoric posts. ME! Not you! Usage of the word "you" meant ALL OF US. As it does almost every time I rant and rave. Sometimes I'm solely talking to myself, other times I'm talking to the world at large. But people with extremely low self esteem just somehow naturally assume, "Oh, my god, she is picking on me again! She somehow saw my blog and hated what I wrote! Woe is me, it hurts so bad, I must go and now flame her or send her a death threat by anonymous e-mail, in order to feel better about myself!"

LOL, I can't believe I didn't realize this before now. Wait, maybe I did, maybe I realized it before chemo and just forgot! Jeez, now I have to go through all of my posts and find out, d'oh!

So maybe now I should just have a little blurb at the beginning of all of my rants that reads something like, "When I say YOU in the following rant, I am referring to ME and/or ALL OF US."

Or maybe I should just change all of the "you's" to "me's." Oy, but then I'll get all of the self-described amateur therapists singing Kumbaya and commenting that I lack self-esteem, lol. I can't win.

By the way, you have no sense of humor. Oh, by you, I mean me. I obviously have MPD. The amateur shrinks were right.

Felicia :)