Monday, December 13, 2004

Queen of the Morons

Welcome to the Moron Patrol. I am the President of the Morons.

Wow, what a revealing 24 hours I've had. I guess it took a few scathing remarks to pull me out of my daydream.

In the past couple of years, I've been trying to accomplish a few goals with my writing. My primary goal was my own reflection. It is cathartic for me to write, it also improves my game. That is a worthy goal. One can't go wrong if writing provides both therapy and game improvement.

I somehow veered way off track, however, with this online journal thing. Suddenly I started "providing" for people. I felt obligated to write. I had to manage lists and comments. I had to micromanage things that were supposed to be easy and cathartic. I had to respond and censor. I was "working" a job, not getting paid and getting little out of it save a lot of hassle and heartache.

I even went so far as to arrange tournaments, get togethers, private lessons. I must have lost my freaking mind (okay, that happened long ago, but you get the gist).

For arranging the tourneys, I got in return a bunch of problems, a ton of complaints, very low turnout and thanks/support from a few dedicated individuals (you know who you are, and thank you, in return for your never wavering support).

Get togethers were scattered and never well attended, but I was playing poker anyway, so it was no biggie.

Save one individual, no one really cared about learning the proper way to play poker. Although I offered my time, free of charge, to anyone who wanted to make some extra money playing poker correctly, only one person was sincerely interested in my time. The rest would rather drink and have fun losing their money to a few intelligent sharks who knew better than to give lessons, to offer to let their dead money win against them, who sat and just took pot after pot off of fish who were only too happy to give it up. What a coup! I could have been doing this all along, but I sat around and tried to educate. I'm truly a moron.

No one wanted lessons, not even for free. If I had been Greg Raymer, and tried to "give back," to help my readers with some instruction, I still couldn't have gotten anyone. Why? Because they just want to sit at the low limit tables to decompress every night, to give their money away and have a good time, knowing they will go to their jobs tomorrow and back to the real world, earning a little more spending money to blow their buy-in's again and again. They don't want to learn proper poker.

I guess the real clue should have been apparent when the Blogger tournament ended and 30 people rushed out the door as fast as humanly possible, to avoid having to listen to me talk about proper Stud play. Not ONE person wanted any Stud lessons, not one. I had agreed to give them after Joaquin wrote me asking about it. Not only did I refuse to accept money for my time, but I also volunteered to help out anyone who wanted to learn. But no one did. NOT ONE. Those writers couldn't have left that poker room quick enough, lest they be forced to listen to someone talk about poker. Instead, liquor and losing more money was all that came to mind.

Naturally, I'm making some generalities here. There were and are some wonderful people in the poker blogging community. People I'm very glad to have met, people who take poker seriously and genuinely want to improve their game. The mistake I made was assuming all of them wanted these same things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a recreational player. There is nothing wrong with wanting to blow buy-in's for "entertainment value." Don't misunderstand me, I was the one who was wrong.

What I should have been doing all of this time was learning from those ahead of me who really want to see me advance. Like Jean, Ted, Charlie, Max, Greg and quite a few others. Ones who see something in me, who see that spark, that drive to be number one. I should have been playing more of the bigger buy-in NLHE tourneys to fund my Stud tourneys. I should have been building my bankroll more quickly, instead of sitting back and missing some good opportunities.

Writing should have stayed a cathartic, learning tool, instead of taking over my free time, when I could have been playing and/or studying. People like Shirley, know this, and write better and better as they understand the game more deeply, as they get control of themselves and start to crush their opponents. They don't sit and engage other writers, offer lessons or plan get togethers.

So I'm ready to take whole different path here. No more comments, no more free lessons, no more time spent on people who rarely appreciate my efforts in the first place, and in the second place come around and anonymously flame everything I write. I'm back to writing solely for me and hopefully winning some big tourneys.

If you are one of the true supporters of this site, my writing and my help, I will always be there for you. I will be happy to do the things I have always done. If you are one of the flamers, the unhappy people who sit around and criticize everyone, then find a new target. I won't be around to be your scape goat anymore.