Thursday, January 19, 2006

Best of, Worst of 2005

Many people have asked me to post my "Best of, Worst of 2005" awards here, publicly, to see how much of a flaming I can withstand. They figure if I can withstand hate mail and threats from three sociopaths last year (after my 2004 awards), and I can withstand flaming from my personal opinion of what makes a good poker blog (still in shock that people got so outraged about that one), then I can withstand anything.

I should be able to, just look at me, for cripesake! I'm a freak of nature.

Anyway, something that cracks me up about how people respond to me is that they always think I'm hiding behind some "internet persona" and I'm going to be a normal, PC, delicate, peaceful little flower in real life. HA! If anything, I am more candid, rude and blunt live than online, because online I have the option of hitting delete, or thinking about something before I post it, whereas live I just blurt it out ("did you mother have any children who actually lived?" "You know, you can win this hand. It's like the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still RETARDED!").

Okay, so in order to prove [to myself] that I absolutely do not respond to peer pressure (in fact, I usually veer in the complete opposite direction), I did not, and I will not post my "worst of" awards publicly. If you really want to see why I hate your blog, or why I think you suck at poker, you're just going to have to join Live Journal and look it up. But since most Americans are the laziest SOB's in the world, I doubt you will.

The second biggest reason (the anti-peer pressure reason being number one) that I'm not going to publish my awards here, is because I had a very, very small sample size in 2005. I was sick from diabetes complications all the way through March, when I found out that I also had cancer in my midwest, inbred rotten body. Then came the bilateral mastectomies. Then, before I'd really recovered from that, came chemo. Since then it's just been a race to survive from day-to-day and actually get some of my energy and memory back again.

So I went from reading 250 poker-ish journals down to about 20-50 regularly. Most of my awards were based on those, and that is a very small sample compared to last year and the year before. There are a billion so-called poker journals out there today. I hadn't realized just how many there were! The most awesome thing about all of these new bloggers is that they truly SUCK! They can't play, and they can't write. Allah be praised, I have a whole new kettle of fish to fry.

The point is, some of my "worst of" awards, like SirWalgman, would have actually gone to any number of bloggers. They make poor Sir look like a frigging genius at the poker tables and on a blogger template. They suck so bad that I would have had to give 25 worst of awards for every ONE I actually gave out!

So in order to show you just how bad that most of you suck, I have decided to release my "best of" picks here, to counter all of the new crap that you are publishing.

Take a good look at these journals. They are doing it right, whereas you shouldn't publish your blog publicly. You should just hit "save as a draft" until you can either learn how to write, or learn how to play. Don't be like me! Why embarrass yourself publicly? Learn from my mistakes and just delete that horrible poker blog until you either decide to play for real, or take a grade school writing class!

Without further ado...
2005 Poker Bloggers Who Could Go Pro:
Shirley--Already a "pro," but has gone higher and higher in 2005, and could be close to the top in 2006.
Best Tournament Writers:
Lifetime, Andy Glazer--No comment necessary.
Pauly--When Pauly went to cover the WSOP, I tried to give him some hints, having been through tournament writing and knowing how taxing it was, how exhausting, for little more than pennies. Pauly really listened, and incorporated some of my suggestions into his writing. He quickly became the most popular tournament writer that we know. Kudos!
Best Poker Parody or Joke Post 2005:
Al on ebay--This one has to be seen in order to be believed. A goof on Dutch Boyd, which gained universal attention for creativism.
Bill Rini--His cancer parody starring Ted Forrest and me. Thank you so much, Bill, for making my day with that one. One can never laugh too much about cancer (and inbreeding???).
Best Bluff 2005:
Good job, Glenn!
Poker Bloggers who seem to have the best/deepest understanding of serious poker:
Lifetime: Matt Maroon (Chronicles), Shirley Rosario (Poker Babe)
Best Multi-Writer Blog 2005:
Up For Poker--Although they have gone through some small changes in the past year, they still well exceed any other blog written by multiple poker players. They all write well and take their writing seriously. CJ's writing has improved greatly, IMO, while Otis' has seen a slight decline due to additional stress of working for Poker Stars. Fortunately, Otis was such an exceptional writer in the first place, that a decline means that he is still head and shoulders above the steaming masses of crap written by most poker bloggers.
Best Improvement in Play and/or Writing 2005:
Joanne--Wow, can she play tourneys or what? I have a feeling we might one day be reading her name in the highest results.
Heather--Okay, so she can't really write worth a crap, and has all of those confusing pics of OTHER women on her blog. But at least she finally separated the poker blog from the "other" blog, and she has almost all of the factors necessary to be a WCP someday. I expect to see her playing professionally (or at least have that ability) next year, if she can plug a few leaks.
Drizz--Great writer, great player. He doesn't seem to have anything to prove to anyone. He knows that tight play gets the money in O8, and that sometimes you have to be passive and go for overcalls, rather than just jam, jam, jam. What an improvement during 2005 in his play!
Bill Rini--Bill's blog still looks gay (edit: he changed the pic after this post on LJ). And I still can't get it to work in Bloglines. But he became interesting during 2005. Actually, it started in December 2004 when he posted his famous "Online Poker is Rigged" parody. His writing got better and better during the year. He is one of the few LA poker bloggers who plays tight, and actually takes poker somewhat seriously.
Overall Honorable Mentions:
Photography, Las Vegas Vegas. Although I liked the old format better, the photos are fantastic. If I could give any suggestions to the site as a whole, I'd say "spellcheck is your friend, guys."
Writing, Joe Speaker. Wow, what a writer.
Chronicles. He tried hard to be "most hated" once again in 2005. Unfortunately, he didn't hit the blogger community hard enough and focused his attention on 2+2er's instead. His Mom dying unexpectedly softened people up who hated him, too, so by the end of the year, the death rays were not quite so lethal from the overall poker blogging community. Try again next year, Matt!
Best Poker Blogger 2005:
Chris Fargis. He is straight up, to the point and plays serious poker (both online and live). He doesn't post hand histories, nor whine about bad beats. He plays more than just HE, HE and more Hold'em. He does not post about his personal life (except when it has to do with poker) and is very humble.
Linda Geneen. This year Linda both dealt and played. She shared personal accomplishments and tragedies. She posted fantastic pics. She wrote about playing live and playing home games. She plays Pan and doesn't whine. I like the set-up of her new site, although I'm usually a minimalist. At least it's not too "busy."

I hope you enjoyed. And even if you didn't, I hope you learned something!

Felicia :)