Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Apology You Have Read Numerous Times

I am clearly a moron. I have said this many times, although readers probably just think I'm being facetious.

In all of my posts, I try to inject a bit of humor, even if the posts are generally serious or ranting. Like Matasow. Not sure how many of you got that one, but I won't give it away, you'll have to figure it out yourselves ;)

I'm truly just some gump sitting around writing a journal that no one cares about. It's a journal, for cripes sake, and I said if I was going to do it, I was going to do it as it was intended. A private look into my innermost thoughts and feelings. A very candid, blunt look at the private diary of someone. Just because it's published, doesn't mean that I'm going to hold anything back, or somehow make it a watered down look at Felicia. This is exactly what I think, feel and say both to myself and out loud to Glenn.

Which is probably why I attract so much heat. Not only am I one of the least PC and nice people you will ever meet, but I am also very transparent. If I think it, if I feel it, it will be written here. And that can have an impact and consequences that most people don't think about.

For one, I hurt people. I hurt them deeply. I never think that I'm hurting anyone, but I do. I hurt them unintentionally. I say things that they assume are about them, when most of the time they are about me, or just about all of us in general.

I get e-mails from people thinking I am talking about them. It hurts them to read my journal when they get the impression that I am cutting them down. I'm not, but they still feel that way.

I can't seem to help it. If I think it in my head, I type it out. Or if I'm with someone in person, I just say it. That's all there is to it. I don't mean to be directly hurtful to any one person.

Which is why yesterday I stayed very general in my description of the people who hurt me. Just in case it was a misunderstanding. Just in case there was more going on than I originally thought. Because I truly don't want to hurt anyone.

But I do, as I keep saying. I do hurt people, every day. And I'm sorry for that. I don't want anyone to have hurt feelings or be sad because of my horrible, incessant, diarrhea style rambling.

The person I hold most accountable is myself. If anyone is ever hurt by my writing, I am hurting even more.

If I have ever hurt your feelings, any of you out there. If I have ever made you feel stupid or unliked, I sincerely apologize.

I am a moron, and can be the most idiotic person alive, especially when I jump to conclusions.

I'm sorry.