Saturday, December 31, 2005

Up and Coming in 2006

Okay, on my other, more personal journal, I have made lists and resolutions for things upcoming in 2006. I am a person who takes to-do lists very seriously. Heck, I take most things very seriously, which is why I'm universally hated ;)

I hate reading lists on other poker blogs. I am the first to admit that they drive me nuts, especially when the person making said list never carries it out. In my case I use lists because I know I'll never finish some posts if I don't publicly state that I'm going to write about a certain topic. Even making myself accountable doesn't necessarily mean I'll write what I promised. It is a combination of me being extremely lazy, and being sick.

Chemo was the worst thing I've ever been through in my life. I remember right before I started. I was at the series, and Steve Zolotow begged me to reconsider. I should have listened. Although I'm making a comeback now, I don't feel that prophylactic chemo was right for me, nor do I feel any more protected or safe. Instead I feel that it poisoned me, and that I might never be exactly the same person again.

Okay, so where am I getting? Well, on the LJ blog, I said I was going to streamline my journals. No more Yahoo group (although I love it, it is taking up too much time). No more Wrangled Writings, because I'm making the LJ into my more personal blog, and this one poker-only again.

Yes, a dozen or two of you (who are left) are cheering. Thank you, now send money, LOL!

I hope you like the new template. I've been on Blogger since late 2003, and never once changed the look. I'm like that, I should have been a man. I never think of "decorating" or all of that foo-foo stuff. Good art is a Walmart calendar, in my house.

Once everything is switched over and condensed, I plan to write about some very important topics.

One of them is a situation that occurred recently involving photos. Oddly enough, I have/had nothing to do with this travesty. Usually it is me deeply embroiled into controversy. This time I'm an outsider, but probably more angry because of it, haha.

The second thing I plan to do is release my Best of, Worst of 2005 list, publicly (I have been releasing it in sections over on LJ). I want to wait until we are leaving for Tunica next week, so that I will miss all of the flames and threats, lol. Last year that very list drove my writing underground. Why I wanted to do it again this year is beyond me, but just let me premise once again that it is all in good fun, and I don't mean any harm (although what I say it truly my opinion, if that means anything). Believe me, if I really hated you, I most likely wouldn't even bring up your blog, much less give you any award (best or worst of, either way). Please send all hate mail here.

Another post I plan to write is about a theory of mine regarding Stud games versus other games. There are three general "types" of poker games: Flop Games/Hold'em (Texas HE, Omaha, Pineapple), Closed Handed Games (Draw, Lowball, TDL) and Open Handed/Stud Games (Seven-Card Stud, Stud 8, Razz, Five-Card Stud, London Lowball). I am excited about a theory I have. As I have said many times, I am more interested in theory than the actual play of poker.

To end the year of 2005, I received a gift on Wednesday night (rural mail is running extremely late during the holidays).

Charlie's Mom, Karen sent me a box. Inside the box was a large card with Charlie's photo on the front. Karen wrote me a personal letter within the card, very moving. She sewed me a poker pillow case which had a message on it for me. She also included Charlie's favorite ball cap. He had it made for himself, and it says FUCK CANCER!

I don't normally curse, but if I did, this is what I would say every time!

I am not a weeper, although this wonderful gift left me closer to weeping than I have in years. Thanks, Karen! God bless you, Charlie, and thank you for unintentionally teaching me so many things by example. You made heroes out of a lot of people with your stoicism and quiet strength. RIP.

Felicia :)

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Self Esteem???

One thing I've never really understood about Americans (and Canadians, from what I can tell), is their obsession with self esteem.

If I say to you, "My best game is Stud, I'm not much of a Hold'em player," then these are the comments I get:

"Oh, Felicia, you have no self esteem. You can play Hold'em well. Don't run yourself down!"

"Wow, what a braggart you are! You think you're so great. Brag, brag, brag, that is all you ever do!"

If I say (LOL), "My boobs ain't nothing to look at, but I've got a great smile,"

Ditto, "All you do is brag, you think you're so great!"

"Felicia, you have such a self esteem problem. You should be seen by a professional. Cheer up, don't put yourself down so much!"

Well, the point is, I guess I am so vastly different from most human beings that they simply don't get me. I have always felt that it takes much more self confidence, more self esteem, to look oneself squarely in the mirror and be able to pick out negatives as well as positives. I not only admit them to myself, I have no issue with telling anyone who asks (or sometimes doesn't, lol).

I also don't have any problem telling someone else where they excel and where they are deficient. Americans seem to have a big, big problem with that. If you give a list to an American and say, "You know, I like you so much that I am giving you a list of things about yourself that I wrote in my spare time!" then you give them a list which has 99 positive attributes and one negative one, they will dwell on the negative one forever. In fact, it will probably cost you your friendship with said person, regardless of the fact that 99:100 things you listed were positive. You "friend" will never stop whining and crying about the one flaw you found.


If any of you are truly worried about me and my "lack" of self esteem, my "self confidence" issues, you should be relieved to hear that I have been counseled and counseled. My head has been shrunk so much it now resembles a normal human head (you should have seen it before, lol).

I have been told repeatedly, by different psychologists, psychiatrists and counselors that I am exceedingly normal. If anything, I have somewhat of a judgmental attitude, and consider myself a lot more realistic than most humans.

Does that make me better than everyone else? No. Does it mean anything is wrong, that I have some personality flaw? No.

I am definitely SICK, and need help, but not for the reasons that you think I do.


Felicia :)

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Dinner

Glenn is cooking Peking Duck for Christmas Dinner. He can cook anything. I can't boil water.

Glenn has a fever. Gary says he shouldn't have drank.

Bloody Mary's aren't just for breakfast anymore. Here is how I like mine:

1-2 ozs. Grey Goose Vodka
8 ozs. V-8 Spicy
1 tsp. worchester sauce
1 tsp. lime juice
1 tsp. tabasco sauce
1 stalk celery
5 green olives
water to taste
ice to taste
salt/pepper to taste

Felicia :)

Wine & Cheese

For Christmas Day, I'm going to enjoy a bottle of Merlot by La Terre. It was a free bottle given to us by Holland America.

Glenn bought some foo-foo Brie that cost $10 at Safeway.


Felicia :)