Thursday, July 13, 2006

Joke Post, Proceed with Caution!

Well, if everything goes as planned, we'll be heading back to Orleans this evening so that I can enter the final O8 event scheduled for tomorrow. 3000 in chips, hour levels. A rock's paradise :)

During the last couple of days I've realized a lot of things. One is that I'm never going to leave some people with a good impression. I'm so backwards in so many ways, and most people simply don't get it (not their fault).

I have the most warped, morbid sense of humor. I got it from my Dad. I remember as an April Fools joke he told us that a puppy had gotten into our fence and drowned in our pool overnight. I mean, how can you pull such a prank on two little kids??? Both my brother and myself were under ten!

But the thing is, in his mind he was pulling the ultimate AF joke. He never, ever meant to be hurtful or cruel. I swore I'd never be like that, and look here, I turned out just like the dude.

Most things I say are meant to be funny or to get people to loosen up. I'll give you an example of what happened over the weekend with the bloggers. I saw this pacific Asian dude at the blogger bar at Excal. He introduced himself or vice versa, but at any rate I got the impression that he had a really, REALLY good sense of humor and could take just about anything I could dish out, and then give it back to me in spades. So I just rolled with it. First I told him his blog sucks (it does, but he is gonna work on that one, because his humor is just too good to waste), then I told him that Al had told me he was a black dude from Chicago. Oh, man, did he roll with that one. All night long, poor black dude from Chicago. He played it to the hilt. Poor Al got ripped all night long with that shtick. From now on, that will probably be his M.O. The guy is a riot, and he completely knew where I was coming from on every level.

Rini is another guy who just gets my completely screwed up sense of humor. The cancer parody thing with Ted Forrest and me was so great that it cheered me up for months. Now over a year, I suppose. The more someone digs at me and rips on me, the more I like him. One time I messaged Rini on Yahoo. He didn't answer. I messaged again, nada. I have no patience, I just assume everyone is like me and has no job, and should immediately stop whatever they are doing to pay attention to me, because I'm obviously the center of their universe ;) Finally Bill chats something like "F-- off!"

I was almost literally ROFL. Now that is the kind of guy I could marry! He has bigger boobs than me, too. Then again, he had bigger boobs than me even when I did have boobs!

See? I'm warped.

So today should give you a laugh, because I'm going to just do some lighthearted things that make me unique and special. Yes, I am a butterfly. I am the beautiful snowflake that you love to adore and cherish. You wish you could keep me forever, in a freezer. Dead. lol ;)

Things I Love

A compliment is when someone says:

1) You cold-hearted witch! You have no feelings whatsoever, do you?
2) You could be a dyke, easy! Are you a guy or girl?
3) I'm too scared to play you heads-up (at my table, I conceed the tournament) All three of these things have happened to me, too, no joke. It's quite a rush. Great feeling!
4) Gawd you're ugly. I'd hate to see what you looked like before cancer!
5) You'd make a great stripper. People would pay you to get OFF the stage!
6) You might be a hooker, but you're the ugliest hooker I've ever seen!
7) You must be a sociopath. I've never seen someone with such a lack of empathy!
8) You're cheaper than any Jew I've ever met!
9) Glenn must be a saint to put up with you!
10) Thank God you couldn't procreate!   Were you this ugly even before cancer? Inbreeding hasn't treated you well, has it?
11) Thank God you can play poker, because you sure can't do anything else right!
12) I never know whether you're joking or serious! (thanks Factgirl)
13) I have to get away from you!
14) You're so skinny, if you turn sideways you just disappear
15) If you keep your face that way, it might freeze
16) Are you constipated?
17) God you stink. Did you just take a dump?
18) You're the one who doesn't believe in cell phones, right?
19) You are the most intense person I've ever met
20) I'll bet you could beat up quite a few men

Things I Hate

I consider these put-downs:

1) You are so "nice"
2) You're really quite pretty
3) Do you have a cell phone?
4) You look like you are having so much fun at the table
5) I love your blog
6) You look much younger than 37
7) Glenn really married well
8) Must be fun being friends with all of the poker "stars"
9) Why don't you enter "ladies" tournaments?
10) Hold'em is a much better game than Stud
11) Hold on, I need to answer my cell phone
12) You NEVER say anything positive
13) You have no sense of humor
14) You smell good
15) You have a great sense of fashion
16) Your feet aren't big at all!
17) Is your favorite game Hold'em?
18) You are shallow (ditzy, feminine, a flake, etc)
19) You spent a lot on that car (computer, house, outfit, hairstyle), didn't you?
20) I would love to have sex with you

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Apology to Hoyazo

Another person I find myself owing an apology to is Hoyazo. God, I can't help but say Hoyzano. I say Hoyzano in my head and I say it out loud. I can't seem to say Hoyazo at all, it doesn't sound right. I even just misspelled it twice while trying to type it.

Why can't I seem to either say it or spell it (I'm not going to try again)? Because I'm a moron. There are certain words I can't say anymore. I don't know if it was chemo or a lobotomy that I felt I got, but I simply can't. A drug that some cancer patients can use (I can't, grrr), is called Herceptin. I can't say it, I can't spell it. I have no idea why other than chemo is poison. Now poison I can say with ease. Go figure!

Anyway, getting back to my post. I never meant to trash this guy, ever. I don't even know him! I did make fun of him in an old post, when I said that I couldn't figure out why he was putting down Glenn. It wasn't me who actually teased him, it was Glenn, but since I wrote it in my blog (although I clearly said Glenn is the one who had said it), I'll take responsibility.

I think I said something like, "Then Glenn said to me, 'Why would you care about what anyone with Hammer in his nickname has to say about me?'" And Glenn did say that, or something very close to that.

And yes, the Hammer thing was a joke. It was supposed to be a good hearted joke, but a joke nevertheless. Because several years ago Grubby went to task to rename the "beer hand" or 72o to "The Hammer," and succeeded greatly. And Glenn and I think it's funny. So I thought it was nutty as a fruitcake that anyone would use that as a nickname (I believe there is another player who has a similar nickname). I surely didn't mean any harm, but once again, I obviously hurt his feelings.

I did play at the same table as H, and I had a fabulous time. I thought he behaved like a mature, adult human being, and had no problem with him whatsoever. I was curious at the time why I keep hearing all of these rumors that he is bashing me on his blog, but since I didn't read all of them directly, I didn't approach it. Plus we were all there to have a good time, and we were having a good time. The part about me wondering why he was going after me was actually a compliment. I was sort of like, "Jeez, he seems like an okay guy, so why am I hearing all of this stuff about him?"

Unfortunately, most of my "compliments" sound anything but, to many readers. I have a way of talking that doesn't convey the humor or good will of the situation on paper. I have an odd way of talking and try not to use many traditional cliches, but make up my own ;)

Okay, so as far as the Omaha thing goes, I barely told anyone. I never expected a horde of bloggers to show up, just two (and spouses if they wanted to come). They were the only ones I cared about. The ones who nursed me through cancer and treatment. The ones I taught, the ones I bought in (and offered to buy into this event, as well). So no, I wasn't waiting for hundreds of people to sweat me. Just those two. And perhaps they had a great reason for not showing up (I already know that one did), which was the reason for my extensive apology today. I am a moron, what can I say?

I can't remember what H said about Glenn's play, but I was told many times he called Glenn a "bad player" and I read something on his site along those lines that Glenn played badly in the freeroll. I could be completely misquoting him here, and so I am going to go back after first writing this, and make sure. It is hard for his site to load on my laptop, which is why I don't frequent it. He posts a lot of screen shots, and I have a laptop from 1982 (ask Al, lol), so it tends to freeze up. That is the reason I don't have his site linked, nor visit it. It is nothing personal, other than I'm a cheap bastid who won't pay a grand for a laptop. I got this one on e-bay for like $200 and it's 15 lbs, lol. (Btw, people might think I'm joking about that part, since I make other jokes that aren't apparent in my journal, but the part about it being a very old laptop, and it weighing a ton are true.)

Okay, I found the quote. He said, "But I actually tend to believe Felicia, because I know she is a solid poker player, and in the WBCOOP she most definitely did not play well." The part about tending to believe me, was when I said that Glenn had played on Stars. So he didn't say Glenn was a "bad player" necessarily, in general, but he said Glenn played badly in this one event. I don't know if he did, I was only there for part of it.

The reason that the FeliciaLee nickname played on the Stars freeroll and not a nickname for Glenn, was that once again, when we signed up for Stars, it had a "one account per household" policy. So only one of us could play the Stars freeroll. I think they have changed this policy now, but since I never really caught on to playing online much, Glenn just took it over. Kind of like the same FUBAR with Party.

Now, as far as my post on bad beats, he seems to think I just said, "Bad beats don't exist." Period. End of story, in no context whatsoever. What I really said was this, ""bad beats" usually are anything but...they usually are indicative of bad play." I also said many times both in that post and later posts that the person who goes around whining about bad beats usually misplayed somewhere. Before the hand, during, after. If they are a whiner, they aren't always playing wisely. They are making mistakes. Why? Because the top players don't usually lament "bad beats." They call it variance. They call it the price of playing and winning. The price of poker. It keeps poker good, it keeps it alive and thriving. So they just shrug it off. Talking about it, whining, lamenting, steaming about it does nothing more than make a player start playing badly.

In no way does this mean that a player cannot get in with the best hand at the time, and get beat by some miracle card. Some runner-runner nonsense. Some one-outer. It happens all the time. Every day, every hour, every minute. With the advent of online poker, I would expect one of these phenomenal favorites that got beat would occur every minute or even more often.

The CONTEXT of the statement was that players shouldn't dwell on them, it will only bring down their play. Let it go.

So yes, he took my position out of context. And so far, that is the only thing I can find him guilty of. Other than slander is verbal, libel is written ;) Oh, and that I don't go to his site because I'm a dinosaur with a dinosaur computer.

Okay, so to wrap it up, I apologize. I truly liked you at the table, except Glenn said it took you too long to act on your hands because you were so busy socializing. We can't all be social butterflies, lol (and yes, this is a joke, I am teasing you, do not take it out of context). Oh, and that was a joke too! I'm teasing you about taking me out of context.

I truly am sorry if I hurt you, and I think I did, because I'm getting a billion hits from your site today and you wrote quite a bit about it. I hate that I hurt you like that, because I hate being hurt myself.

I am totally FOS, which should be apparent by now, yet people think I'm being serious when I'm joking, or think I'm joking when I'm serious. I have a very, very warped sense of humor. Like I would be offended if someone called me "nice," but I love it when someone calls me a cold-hearted, ruthless bitch."

My Mom's nickname for me is "The Bitch" and she means it. Especially since I cut off her drug money (and that part is true, I did, until she agrees to go to detox).

I am candid and rude at times, but most of what I say or do is completely harmless. I can, however, tell that I've hurt you, and I truly never meant to do that.

I will, however, probably not be able to stop calling you Hoyzano in person, and I don't think I have ever been able to call you Hoyazo (only one typo that time). You can ask anyone about that one. I have thought from that first that you were Hoyzano, although I don't think that is your real name (no, I have no idea what your real name is, either, if it's not Hoyzano).

Nothing I do is meant to hurt. Nothing is meant to sting or leave permanent scars (although biting can be fun if I'm having sex with the right person, lol ;)

So for any pain I've caused you, I'm sorry, truly.

Felicia :)

Update on Some Friends

Here is an update on some of my friends:

John Cernuto took 5th place in the $1500 Stud event and 15th place in the $1000 NLHE event

Katja Thater took 29th place in the $1500 Stud event and 53rd place in the $2000 PLHE event

Jean Gaspard took 131st place in the $1000 NLHE event

Dr. Max Stern took 4th place in the $300 O8 event at Orleans (a deal was made, so this is even better than it looks; I was there sweating him for the whole final table)

Dr. Maria Stern took 1st place in the Seniors Charity event at Orleans (yes, Maria qualified as a "senior" even though I told them it was impossible, given her looks, and that they should have asked for ID first)

Artie Cobb took 7th in the $300 O8 event at Orleans

Mike O'Malley took 19th place in the 5k O8 event

And my personal hero, Glenn Bagrowski took 26th place in the $225 rebuy NLHE event at Orleans

Congrats to all of you!

I am leaving out some of the bigger names who are my friends (Ted, Barry, Joe Sebok, David Levi, etc). They get plenty of publicity, they don't need my kudos ;)

Love you all!

Felicia :)

The Apology You Have Read Numerous Times

I am clearly a moron. I have said this many times, although readers probably just think I'm being facetious.

In all of my posts, I try to inject a bit of humor, even if the posts are generally serious or ranting. Like Matasow. Not sure how many of you got that one, but I won't give it away, you'll have to figure it out yourselves ;)

I'm truly just some gump sitting around writing a journal that no one cares about. It's a journal, for cripes sake, and I said if I was going to do it, I was going to do it as it was intended. A private look into my innermost thoughts and feelings. A very candid, blunt look at the private diary of someone. Just because it's published, doesn't mean that I'm going to hold anything back, or somehow make it a watered down look at Felicia. This is exactly what I think, feel and say both to myself and out loud to Glenn.

Which is probably why I attract so much heat. Not only am I one of the least PC and nice people you will ever meet, but I am also very transparent. If I think it, if I feel it, it will be written here. And that can have an impact and consequences that most people don't think about.

For one, I hurt people. I hurt them deeply. I never think that I'm hurting anyone, but I do. I hurt them unintentionally. I say things that they assume are about them, when most of the time they are about me, or just about all of us in general.

I get e-mails from people thinking I am talking about them. It hurts them to read my journal when they get the impression that I am cutting them down. I'm not, but they still feel that way.

I can't seem to help it. If I think it in my head, I type it out. Or if I'm with someone in person, I just say it. That's all there is to it. I don't mean to be directly hurtful to any one person.

Which is why yesterday I stayed very general in my description of the people who hurt me. Just in case it was a misunderstanding. Just in case there was more going on than I originally thought. Because I truly don't want to hurt anyone.

But I do, as I keep saying. I do hurt people, every day. And I'm sorry for that. I don't want anyone to have hurt feelings or be sad because of my horrible, incessant, diarrhea style rambling.

The person I hold most accountable is myself. If anyone is ever hurt by my writing, I am hurting even more.

If I have ever hurt your feelings, any of you out there. If I have ever made you feel stupid or unliked, I sincerely apologize.

I am a moron, and can be the most idiotic person alive, especially when I jump to conclusions.

I'm sorry.



I had a feeling that things weren't as they seemed in Vegas, and I was correct. Some things going on just seemed off kilter, wrong.

Although I am obviously the center of the universe and everything is about ME (haha), nothing in the previous post was any kind of attempt by others to "get me" or to "hurt me." No one was out for me, no matter how horrible the post sounded.

Perhaps I could have explained it better, perhaps not. For whatever reason, my writing has always come off as angry and very self centered. Part of it is that I am extremely self absorbed. Part of it is because somehow that is just the way I write. I don't know why.

I truly never had the impression that anyone at the blogger gathering was trying to hurt me, or "out to get me," so to speak. It was always more the feeling of pure abandonment, so that they can have their fun. Some of these people haven't been to Vegas for 10 years. Coming for this type of get together can be extremely overwhelming, and people just stop thinking of their friends and other things going on altogether. I have never once tried to blame the bloggers for this type of behavior. It happens to all of us, yes, even me included.

I often go to Vegas with the names, e-mail addresses or phone numbers of friends I'm supposed to meet there while we are in town. Dr. Al, the WPDG, a blogger, a 2+2er, etc. I forget quite often, and it is not due to any conscious thought on my part. I truly never mean to neglect a contact, or forget about them, but I often do. Vegas can be overwhelming. We get into a juicy poker game, a sat, a good tourney, and suddenly thoughts of our friends, who may be waiting around for us to contact them, leave all conscious memory! I end up apologizing profusely for leaving them hanging.

As a recent example, look at my debacle with Max, and him winning a WSOP bracelet (the first of many, I predict). What a FUBAR! What a horrible friend! I could have called him (I have his local, cell phone number, and the staff at Orleans is great about letting guests use the phones in the tourney area for free). I could have asked around about who was in the money each day, just to make sure. I could have brought our laptop and looked up the stats on CP. I could have done many number of things. Coulda, woulda, shoulda...

We all do this. And it is horrible, I have no excuse. No matter how many times Max writes and says, "It's okay, Felicia," it is not okay. He has always been there for me, and I wasn't there for him at all. Three days I ignored the series, I ignored what was going on at Rio. Mostly from being tired and self-absorbed at Orleans. I have no excuse, it was my fault.

Well, the same goes for what happened with the bloggers. And the friendship post? Well, it is very true that I am horrible at selecting friends. And if that last phone call hadn't occured, well, I surely wouldn't have written that post at all. The phone call is what killed me. It is what pretty much sealed the deal (in my own head) that the "neglect" was truly conscious and done purposely.

What I didn't know, however, was that many other things were going on at the same time. Things I wasn't privy to. Things that weren't even really my business.

I truly wish that someone had just said, "Hey, listen Felicia. We know this is important to you, but not everything is shiny, happy, Kumbaya, as you well know and preach. Sometimes other people are hurting, too."

Had I known that one fact, well, obviously the post yesterday on friendship would certainly have never been made.

While I do feel completely different and separated from recreational players, the fact remains that no one intentionally hurt me, and I don't think I made that clear in my last post.

For that, I'm truly sorry.

For my true friends, I love you and am wishing you the best.


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Max Pescatori, WSOP Bracelet #1

Max got his gold, at last. It has been long in coming. I knew back in 2004 that he was going to the top.

Looking at his final table hand histories, I just can't even believe the deficit he overcame in order to win this thing! Yes, sure, we all have to get lucky at the right times, but boy-oh-boy, did he rock the house when it got down to four handed.

I am the worst friend ever, and for the first time am so embarrassed about not bringing our laptop to Vegas and/or having a cell phone. Max had no way of reaching me in order to tell me that he first made the money, then made the final table, then won the thing. I didn't find out until this morning when we returned from Vegas and I opened the e-mail from him. I am really ashamed. Max has always been there for me 100% of the time, and this time I wasn't there for him. I was wrapped up in my own tourneys at Orleans and didn't even bother to find out what was going on at Rio.

At any rate, you have a new WSOP champion and world class human being!

Max Pescatori

Felicia :)


One thing I've never been able to pride myself on is my choice in friends. I am horrible at deciding who I want as a friend, and knowing who is a true friend and who is a fraud. I have gotten stabbed in the back so many times that I'm ashamed to even talk about it.

Sometimes it's money. I've been very candid about AOL and our situation. I'm usually such a tightwad that I don't fall for scams by my so-called friends and family, but I've gotten burned a few times. Like that famous line, it was the best money I ever spent, in one respect, because I found out that I didn't actually have a friend at all.

Um, to those of you who have borrowed money from me and are reading this site, go to hell. I don't ever want you to contact me again, and don't pay me back. It was worth every penny to have you out of my life.

Jeez, I hope some of them read my journal. That felt good.

Ranting always feels good to me. I'm someone who just has to get it out, so I throw a big fit, and then it's over, and I don't have a frigging coronary or something. I'm back to shiny, happy, Kumbaya Felicia (harhar).

As far as non-money scams I've fallen for, well, there have been many, many more of those. In fact, I tend not to want to make friends these days, preferring the hermit lifestyle and the maxim of "I'd have more friends if I had no standards."

To me, a friend is loyal and giving. A friend is there during the very worst of times, along with the best. A friend gives as much as he takes. He is honest and forthcoming.

I know that it is very, very hard to be a friend of mine. I'm not deluding myself here. I have super high standards for my own lifestyle and behavior, so I have a set of similar expectations when making friends. I can't stand a flake, a small talker, a gossip, etc. I take every friendship seriously, and behave in a manner to show I care about my friends at all times. For instance, I would never hesitate to call or write (mostly write since I hate the phone) a friend who had just told me about something horrible going on in his or her life. I would keep up on that situation, frequently asking how the friend is doing, how things are getting better or whatever. I would never just leave a friend hanging out to dry.

When I got cancer, I was really surprised about who came forward, and who slunk away. It amazed me that some people I considered friends just backed off and pretty much stopped talking to me, like I had leprosy and it was spreading. Those people I've pretty much never spoken to again. Not real friends, obviously.

I understand people who have trouble approaching someone with cancer, aids, handicaps, etc. If they are up front about it and admit that they feel awkward, that is great, in my book. I can completely respect that, and hope that I will make them more comfortable as time goes by. It takes big balls to admit that one is uncomfortable.

Other people whom I'd barely talked to came forward like champs. They sent cards, messages, gifts. I was flabbergasted. I didn't even really know these people!

I guess I knew from the beginning that I wasn't a true "poker blogger" in the sense of the word that meant a casual, recreational poker player who had a full-time job outside of the poker industry. I started the blog because of 2+2. I used to post trip reports and tourney reports there, and soon people started asking me for copies of the stories (after they were archived). Eventually I was sending so many of them to so many people, that I decided enough was enough and started a Yahoo group.

This was obviously before the so-called "blogs" became so popular. I was comfortable on Yahoo and belonged to many other groups there.

Eventually Scott and Iggy whined so hard about the software of Yahoo that Scott offered to buy a domain name for me and pay for Typepad for two years. I felt so bad about it that I agreed. Probably one of my biggest poker mistakes ever (not your fault, Scott).

Right from the beginning I knew something was different between me, and the recreational bloggers. I would go to their sites, I would comment when they had a question or concern. I rarely got any thanks or feedback. I realized pretty quickly that they just wanted to whine and pout, not to learn. I aligned myself with the more serious minded players. Brits were my ideal, full-time and/or pro players were also much closer to my mindset and lifestyle.

Things came to a head in December of 2004. Joaquin was a Stud player, and asked if I would give a seminar on Stud games after the blogger tournament. He offered to pay me for my time. I said I would be delighted to talk about Stud, and that I would never accept money for my help.

After I won the blogger event (Max and I actually chopped it evenly but played for the "title"), I swear to god I have never seen such a rush of bloggers eager to get out of Sam's Town and avoid listening to me talk about Stud. Not only did Joaquin not show up at all, but not ONE blogger stuck around for the seminar.

I came home and said I was through with them. I should have stuck to my guns. Unfortunately, not long after that is when I found out I had cancer, and so many kindhearted bloggers came forward that I felt like I had to stick it out with them. I should have just said a sincere thank you and gone my own way. I was a fool, deceived by kindness and nice words.

I truly thought I had some friends in the blogger community. Just a few of them, sure, but I thought they were true-blue, not fair weather friends. Naturally I made another horrendous mistake that hurt me terribly this past Saturday and Sunday.

In fact, I was hurt so badly that I felt worse, and closer to crying, than I did when I had cancer. It was that terrible, that much of a betrayal.

Some of the bloggers whom I was still close to, I have communicated with extensively. On Yahoo, in chat, on the phone and in person. I was so unbelievably stupid to think that they really wanted my friendship and my help with poker. I taught them games other than Hold'em. I gave them lessons in O8, Stud, Razz, mixed games, Stud 8, PLO, etc. I spent a ton of time with them, and put several of them into satellites with my own money, trying to boost their confidence and show them how much I believed in them.

I was really deceived.

On Saturday I played in the O8 event. Things went really well. My readers probably know this already. I played for 14 hours and considered it an amazing stride that I was able to endure that long, given that I never thought my health would allow me to do that again.

I busted out about 36th, or eight from the money. I wasn't really even disappointed, feeling I'd acheived something that I couldn't have done last year.

I was so happy to see some of my tourney friends again. Some of them I'd not seen in a year, others I'd just seen a few days before. But what made me so happy, what impressed me so greatly, is how they kept coming over to my table, rubbing my shoulders, rooting for me. They were THERE for me. 

But who wasn't there for me? The few bloggers whom I felt were my true-blue friends, though times of trouble, times of good, times of joy and pain. The ones I'd taught poker to. The ones I'd put into satellites and tournaments. The ones I'd talked to for years, given advice to, constructive criticism to. The ones I'd listened to when things went bad. The ones I'd cheered on when things were good. The ones I'd sweated through tourney after tourney, both online and live. Not ONE of them showed up during the entire 14 hours. Not one of them even called or wrote me an e-mail. Not even the ones I'd said I buy in. Yes, I had offered to buy in players whom I believed in, whom I wanted to succeed. Not only did they not show up during the entire 14 hours, they didn't call, didn't write, nada. 

I had gone back to the room, hoping, praying that I had some messages from people, someone saying, "Sorry we didn't make it out there today, but thanks for the offer of a buy-in.  We were so busy with the blogger event, and then something came up later, but I'm happy to see you aren't answering the phone, that must mean you're still in."  Nope, nada.  Not a message from anyone.  Zip, zero.

Waking up on Sunday I was sad, of course, but things got even worse. When I tried to reach out, hoping to hear some story about a horrible car accident or someone in the hospital (praying that I truly was not betrayed, that they simply had an emergency come up), I was met with total apathy.

"So, where were you yesterday? I played until 2am, I was only 8 from the money."

"We were with our friends."

"Oh. I thought you were coming by?"

"We had things to do. Today we're going to watch our friends at Rio."

Worst phone conversation I've ever heard. Worst betrayal I can remember in five years. My so-called friends turned out to be my worst enemies and I never even knew it. I was completely blindsided.

I was so upset and hurt that I couldn't play. Glenn played the NLHE event at Orleans, the $540 buy-in event. There were over 300 people there, and Glenn finished at about 1am, just 15 from the money. Oy. He didn't take it as well as I had the day before, but after a few reassuring words, he bucked up and realized he played well once again. How often is it that one can win a multi-tiered freeroll on Party to get a main event seat, then right afterwards cash in a big field of a NLHE tourney without even having to do a rebuy, then the very next event, get 15 from the money??? That is a great accomplishment in my book.

And although none of the so-called friends who sold us out were there to see it and share it with us, tons of our tournament circuit friends were there, cheering us on the whole way.

Now I know who my real friends are. I hope never again to be deceived in this manner. This hurt me more than almost anything I've had to endure in my lifetime, but it's over. I ranted and raved to Glenn for 15 minutes or so, then it was over with (15 is a loooong rant for me, I usually can get over anything in about 5, lol).

I will never speak to the Judas's again. Don't contact me. Don't comment, don't write, don't call. Your efforts to contact me will not be met positively.

You do not exist anymore. I should never have trusted you to begin with. You are out of my world.


Orleans and MGM

Glenn and I came back home for about 48 hours to rest from the first Orleans trip. I don't sleep well in casinos, and that trip was no exception. I was so tired after sweating Glenn until 2:30am on July 3rd, then playing O8 from noon til about six.

On Friday, July 7th, we went up again. We arrived at Orleans about noon. Glenn tried a couple of sats, but this time wasn't so lucky. He made a nice score at the cash games, however, and kept us positive as far as bankroll goes.

We went over to Rio, saw a few people, got some swag. The newbies at FTP tried to get me to take a virtual picture with the players, and I just laughed. I already know these guys, why would it impress me to have a fake pic with them??? Heck, I don't even like some of them, and would have to black out Matasow, lol ;)

The poker craze cracks me up sometimes. The way some seemingly normal people behave around tournament players is so screwed up. I told Glenn that I should post some bogus stuff on my site, with a ton of links for sound bites that have the Reznor song "Star F-er's" in it. I'd love to have little bites of Reznor singing stuff like "...when I suck you off not a drop will go to waste..." and the whispered line, "ass kisser."

I always loved that song, way before the poker boom. It's amazing how regular people go insane when they meet someone who has been on TV or in a movie. I don't get the attraction, but whatever. It doesn't seem based on talent, looks or personality. Just something about seeing the person on a screen, larger than life, I suppose.

Okay, so we saw a few of our friends at Rio. Once again it was a circus and I wasn't very comfortable in the environment.

I got to say "I told you so" to Katja. She cashed in the Stud even that very next day after I told her things would turn around. I love being right. I get off on being smug and self-satisfied when I see my friends do well, just as I predicted.

But then Jan got knocked out of the day's event, and they were pouting once again. Crazy Germans. I thought Americans took their losses badly. I never saw such hang dog expressions in my life. I kept telling them to buck up.

I didn't see Max anywhere, but what I didn't know is that he was dominating the day's event, a $2500 buy-in NLHE event. If I'd only known what was going on, I'd have been able to sweat his final table. Instead, we got involved in two events over at Orleans on Saturday.

Glenn and I wanted to swing by Excalibur to say "hi" to the WPBT bloggers. Oy, vey. Why do I bother? I don't know. They aren't "my" people. I mainly just wanted to say hi to a very few of them, and I did.

These people don't get me. They don't understand the difference between someone who played poker first, then started writing about it, from someone who has a full-time, regular job, writes a lot, and plays donkey poker now and again. Glenn and I are so radically different from them that it's painfully obvious whenever we meet up.

I once again made the mistake of trying to help some people. They looked at me like I had two heads. This was my fault, not theirs. I can't help but try to coax them into winning, when it is the very last thing they want in the world. Nothing makes them happier than losing everything. Buy-in after buy-in, moaning and whining about their "bad luck," and they are happier than clams. But did I shut up my big, fat mouth about it? Noooooo. I could never be that bright. Glenn either.

Oh, well.

The one guy, Donkey Puncher, did ask me to teach him Chinese. I asked if he wanted to learn straight Chinese or 2-7 in the middle. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Then I told him he'd have to come to Orleans and I'd teach him. He said that Caesars would spread Chinese. I told him that I wasn't playing at Caesars, he'd have to come to Orleans. I could see the interest drain from his face. If I wasn't going to be there for them, they sure the hell wouldn't come to me.

They take, they take, they take. And they never give anything back.

He did seem like a cool guy, but my priorities are so much different than theirs.

Another blogger refused to sit next to me. He hates me so much that he can't even be polite for a game of HORSE. Jeez, I hate a lot of people, but I can be an adult and sit next to them at a poker table. They are so immature that it's painful.

On the bright side, however, some interesting things did happen at MGM that suprised the heck out of me!

For one, Iggy came and talked to me, and apologized sincerely for our past difficulties. He has balls, that is for sure. I have said many times that I don't care for him, that we clash, but instead of just taking the low road and bashing me on his site or in person, he actually apologized and insisted that we didn't need to like each other in order to respect each other. He also insisted he didn't dislike me the way I disliked him, lol.

He also said some nice things about Matt, which impressed me as trying to take the high road in a bad situation. So thank you, Iggy, for making an effort with such a rude, horrible person like myself. I was definitely shocked.

Maudie also stopped by and said hi. Thanks.

Hoyzano was polite at the table, and caused no problem for me. Thanks for that. Why he is always going after me or Glenn online is a big mystery to me, but I didn't cause a scene at the table. I was having fun and playing the very games I love, so I didn't go out of my way to question his constant taking me out of context or quoting things about me that simply aren't true. I don't care for a person who plays against someone for 30 minutes, then proclaims them as a "bad player" or something similar. No one can watch someone play for very little time, then make such huge, sweeping assumptions about their play. No one besides God is God.

I had a very good time that night at MGM, I'm not complaining. I have always had a good time in person with the bloggers, our lives are just radically different. But it was definitely reinforced that these people don't get me, I don't get them, I don't belong with them, and probably should stay out of their lives altogether. I'm sure they dread the very thought of my presence.

I do just want to say "thank you" to a few people who were there and tried to treat me like one of them, which I'm clearly not:

**Veneno (I think) introduced herself. Wow, what a voice! That could tilt just about any poker player. If I had that voice, I'd try to irritate everyone at my table and use it to an advantage, lol ;)
**Falstaff (funny guy)
**Rini (da man)
**F-Train & Dawn
**Pauly (you fake!)
**Hoyzano (you can act like an adult, so thanks)
**Australian guy (what a riot, seems genuine)

I'm leaving some off the list, I can't remember anymore. If I didn't list your name it doesn't necessarily mean anything, I just don't recall.

And to the losers who were whispering about me behind their hands, thinking I was too retarded to see them, and talking behind my back instead of having the balls to approach me, you can blow me. I'm really not that stupid, of course I saw you whispering and giggling, you immature, moronic idiots.

Glenn and I left a little after midnight. I needed to be rested for the O8 event the next day, so we headed back to Orleans.

And that is when I had both my best and worst day ever in poker. I don't even know how to approach the worst of it. I think I'll make two, separate posts about it. One about the O8 event, one about friendship.

Stay tuned,

Felicia :)

Orleans Open

In the next few days, I'm probably going to post some things that aren't really pleasant. I know, you are all thinking how rare that is ;)

So before I get to the bad stuff, I'd like to remember some of the good, as well.

I truly try to be as balanced as possible, and there is a lot of good to highlight in the poker world.

Orleans is doing a pretty frigging good job this year. I messed up on the first O8 event count. I don't know exactly how I screwed up so badly, but at least I have somewhat of an excuse. Brian kept fudging up the count on the Tournament Clock and had to correct it over and over again. So somehow the figure of 500-something got stuck in my mind, and although it was later corrected, I couldn't get rid of it. In fact, I kept counting up the prize pool in my head and it was way off. I couldn't figure out why I was so off, and I was getting angry at myself. I'm a moron, what can I say?

Anyway, regardless of being 100 players off, they are still doing a great job. And if anyone hates to admit that, she is me. I loathe the Orleans in so many ways that I don't even want to discuss it.

The satellites range from an awesome deal to a terrible one. The O8 and Stud sats take out a lot of juice for the buy-in, and give almost no play. It's better just to buy in directly if you can, or play a NLHE sat. If you can't, go downstairs and play some cash games until you can pony up $200.

Which leads me to one of the rare mistakes that I felt Orleans made. This year they kept ALL of the cash games downstairs and all of the sats & tourneys upstairs. While this may sound like a good idea on the surface (the seniors were complaining about the long walk from the garage to the tournament room), the problem is that it practically forces people to leave the Orleans after they bust out of a tourney or sat.

Instead of sitting down in a cash game, they make the long walk back downstairs and end up just leaving. They probably see the action in the poker room on the way out to the garage, but they just give up and decide to go elsewhere for better action. Perhaps if Orleans would have kept the low limit games downstairs, and put the oddball games and middle limit games upstairs they would have more cash game traffic. Whenever I bust out of an event, the first thing I look for is a mixed game, Razz game, Stud game or some other oddball game (Chinese, PLO, etc). I will sit down if they have something rare during a festival (that happens a lot). But if I have to walk three miles downstairs to the poker room through the hall of shame, I'm probably just going to pack it in for the day and escape to my room.

Besides this, though, and the other two problems I wrote about last week (lack of tournament rules available for players, changed structure on 2nd chance event), Orleans is doing a good job.

At buy-in, players receive a $5.00 comp. If they last until dinner, they receive a buffet comp. Not a partial comp, not a buy-one get one free comp, but a full comp to any meal, including the more expensive ones like seafood night. So the comp is potentially worth $20. Their buffet is no Rio, that is for sure, but it is something that they don't have to do, and did anyway. They also have fresh fruit available all day in the tournament area that is free. Once again, not sponsorship for pros, but something that they didn't have to provide, yet did.

The rooms are $50 Su-Th, $90 Fri, Sat. And they are decent. Bring your own coffee, because they are so cheap that they charge for the horrible, in-room coffee that they provide.

I was so tired yesterday that I couldn't even play in the Stud event. Yeah, I actually skipped what I went to the Orleans for in the first place! But I'm not disappointed. The trip was actually a huge victory for my morale. And Glenn's, too.

Glenn cashed in the first NLHE event he played in. It was $225 with a rebuy. He never had to rebuy. He busted out about 2:30am, just inside of the money. Yeah, the structure is THAT slow. The top 27 got paid, and he was 26th, I believe. He was very pleased with his performance, not being a tourney player and just getting back into the saddle after not really playing NLHE tournaments for a couple of years.

I played in the first O8 event. I busted out right before dinner. I never got much going on. I did well the first hour, sharing the orphan pots with another experienced player, but then tougher players got sat at our table and I wasn't able to steal nearly as much.

Finally, a WSOP bracelet holder got moved to our table and took up the aggression factor a notch. I was praying to find a hand when he was messing around with a big stack, but it never really came. Eventually I had 78TTds in the BB. He raised, I smooth called. This is not a good hand, but I was going to try to flop something and see what happened. I flopped a couple of draws. I checked, and he looked at his hole cards again. That is how I knew he didn't have a king (top card on board). So when he made a continuation bet, I called. I figured he had a draw, probably open ended or wrap, and was the favorite, but I had no chips and wanted to see if I could double up. The turn was an eight, not so great, counterfeiting my crappy low draw (not that I ever thought 78 was good for low), and pairing something I didn't need paired, but oh, well, by that time I was pretty committed. I think I had 375 left and the big bet was 200.

The river was a four, giving him two pair with his 48, and some kind of mediocre low.

But I was correct in my read, so that felt okay. No tears from me, I take my victories when I can, they don't come along often enough for me to ignore them.

Next: my second O8 event and Glenn's second NLHE event.

Felicia :)