I think I'm going to try to play in the Palms $100 NLHE freeze-out tonight. I need to get out of the house. I'm starting to feel like a hermit, a shut-in.
On the way to the Palms, Laughlin has an outlet mall. That is where I have the three $10 gift cards for Izod. They are only good for the month of April, so I need to use them fast. I wanted to wait until after the mastectomy, knowing my upper body would change radically.
What seems to have happened is that I need to disguise my chest a little bit, layer things.
I hate to type this up, because it seems so trivial and off topic. But it's a part of my life, a part of me, and I can't ignore how I feel.
Last night I took my first shower since the night before surgery. Real shower, not just a tiny little bath with the water only covering my legs.
Anyway, after the shower I got some insane notion in my head that I should try on some shirts since all of the packing and drains are gone. Bad idea, really bad idea.
I wanted to try on "real" shirts, not just x-large tee-shirts and sweat shirts I've been wearing. This was a nightmare.
Without anything underneath them, the look was horrific. Tons of bumps, concave pits, ridges. It looked like I was deformed. And I guess I am.
I then tried to wear a sports bra underneath, and that gave a slightly better appearance, but I can't wear the super tight ones yet against my skin, so constrictive and sensitive. So I wore a loose cotton one, and it helped hide the hideous appearance, but it didn't get rid of it altogether.
In a word, I was shocked at how bad I look in fitted shirts.
So my plan of attack is to buy some better sports bras at the outlet mall today (the ones I've been using previously are just cheapo's at Walmart).
I also plan to change the Izod tops I'm wearing to the less fitted, layered kind. Button down will probably help disguise the disfigurement as will layers. Izod has such soft, comfortable clothing that I have no doubt I will be happy with whatever I buy there.
So a big setback mentally, but I'm tough, and I can get over this.
Last night Glenn was dealing. Someone raised it up with 72o, then bet all the way. As the pot was pushed to him, he yelled, "Hammer!"
Glenn said, "Oh, you must be a blogger if you call 72o the hammer."
He said, "I am actually just a reader, but you must be Glenn, Felicia's husband."
They chatted for a while, and Glenn told me the guy said I am one of his favorite bloggers. He said that I'm not in the top ten of all blogs in the world (poker or otherwise), but I am 'right up there.'
I have this friend, a poker friend I met on UPF a long time ago. He and his wife lived and worked in LA, but have very flexible jobs that can be telecommuted.
They never liked LA, like so many others. They had a condo that was outrageously expensive. The cost of living was unbelievable, the air and traffic are some of the worst in the country.
They are video poker players, too, and stay for free in Laughlin due to the comps. They come here probably six times per year.
Finally they got fed up with LA. Like Glenn and me, they invested their money wisely and could afford to sit back and not worry about money as long as they lived frugally and didn't go overboard.
They came to northern Arizona often, and asked us a ton of questions about living here. In the end, they decided Bullhead was their first choice. Although the cost of living has gone way up in Bullhead, it is still nothing compared with LA.
So they made a very prudent decision. They sold their condo for a profit, and bought a humble home in Bullhead. He plans on becoming a dealer in Laughlin for extra money and the benefits.
I cannot say how much I admire this couple. Not many people would be so wise and frugal with their money, making a choice like this, taking determined, slow steps in order to reach their goal, and planning so wisely.
For every couple like them, and like us, there are hundreds who make such hasty, immature changes in their lives. For every couple who is content to play low limits, or play sats to get into bigger tourneys, there are dozens who blow their retirement money buying in to big tourneys they are not ready for, or "taking a shot" at higher limit games.
I have had many people write to me and scoff at my willingness to stay at the Motel 6, or some other budget motel while playing in big tourneys. I have been the object of scorn and ridicule both online, and live in tournament areas of the bigger events. Most of them feel "too good" to stay at any other hotel than where the festival is taking place. Most of them laugh at Glenn and me for budgeting and eating at Jack in the Box rather than the gourmet restaurants in the casino.
And yeah, most of them aren't around anymore, or are asking me to back them now. While I am still here, and still kicking.
I have made my fair share of mistakes. And yes, I am probably more frugal than I need to be. But I want my AOL money to be left when I'm 65. I'm not going to spend all of it to line the pockets of a high limit pro who is vastly better than me. If that means cheap motels, fast food and satellites galore, so be it.
My Mom is back to dealing, and is now at Santa Fe in Vegas. If you are out that way, give her a big "howdy." Her name is Ruth. She is only 5'2" and 57 years old, with totally gray hair (see where my future is headed???).
She is dual rate right now, so you may see her dealing, or on the floor.
I am going to play up to 3 HORSE sats at the Plaza, and then just relax and try to gather my strength. The HORSE tourney starts at noon on Monday. The structure is so fabulous that I might be able to fold my way into the money, LOL!
Lots of people; bloggers, players, dealers and friends are going to catch up with me there. I hope Tanya can make it, but it's no biggie if she's not feeling up to it. I am praying for her and wish her the best!
Please say hi if you see me at Plaza. Don't be shy, my bark really is worse than my bite!
Hope you are all having a great Friday!